Ode to the Crap of CPAP

Sleep comes poorly to those

who have obstructed airway flow.

Sometimes snores shake head-to-toe;.

sometimes breathing entirely slows.

Obstructive snorts make bedfellows rage

causing connubial bliss to quickly go.

Eventually an ultimatum is given:

fix the problem or sleep apart.

So the poor sufferer is medically driven

to silence snoring’s unpopular sound

hoping that a cure for these snores is found.

Medical providers order a study of sleep.

Sleep studies, a torture of this age,

are ordered to determine apnea stage.

Trussed up with tape and wire

the sufferer can barely walk to pee.

This unfashionable technological attire

is a nightmarish and scary sight to see.

The main treatment is splinted air,

as “CPAP” keeps the airway apart.

But the mask is enough to scare

even the most intrepid, fearless heart.

CPAP breathing is like snorkel learning;

uncoordinated, breathless, a fearsome start.

Trussed up each night and yearning

to resume their former snoring bliss.

And many give up, eagerly returning

to the danger of the apneic kiss.

But most don’t know how concerning

the danger of Sleep Apnea really is.

Physicians know this dangerous condition

leads, over time, to a short living attrition.

Organs gradually fail and fall apart;

hypoxia an organ-deprived mission.

Oxygen-deprived brains do not keep smart.

This gradual damage forces organs to depart

as oxygen deprivation kills organs and heart.

So breathe deep, life is sweet!

Be grateful for silent sleep!

Do not consider free breathing cheap

(no matter what it takes to keep).

I have Hypermobility Syndrome, which is strongly associated with sleep apnea.  So for the last 12 years I have had a love-hate relationship with my snorkel device.  I try and make lemonade but there are times when I really just want to squeeze the lemons and toss them at someone.  This is satirical humor at its most subtle with an attempt to be grateful.